Microaggressions in leadership – The silent poison for trust in the team

Microaggressions in Leadership – The Silent Poison for Trust in the Team

June 15, 2025 Diversity, Equity, Inclusion – on paper, it sounds strong. It is discussed, posted, and workshops are held about it. But the real question is: How much of this is truly lived in everyday life? Or in other words: Has “Walk your Talk” long run its course – and does diversity remain just lip service for many?

In conversations with leaders, I often hear: “We are already doing something.” Yes – there are programs, a new guiding principle, perhaps even a “DEI officer.” But when I then ask: “And how does this specifically manifest in your leadership everyday life?”, it usually goes silent. Because: The big strategies often fail at the small gestures.

Why DEI Alone Is Not Enough

DEI stands for Diversity, Equity & Inclusion. A term that has long arrived in companies – at least on the surface. Brochures, websites, internal newsletters – everything appears modern, open, diverse. And yet, employees repeatedly tell me: “I feel like I have to prove myself doubly.” Or: “My accent is regularly commented on.” Or: “I am overlooked in meetings – even though I have expertise.”

These are not isolated incidents. These are microaggressions. Small, often unconscious remarks or behaviors that exclude, belittle, or leave others out. And yes – they are rarely intended to be malicious. But they impact. And deeply.

Especially in leadership, where every word carries more weight, microaggressions can undermine trust in the team – slowly, insidiously, but noticeably.

From a neuroscientific perspective we react to microaggressions with the same stress patterns as to physical threats: The so-called “social pain network” in the brain (including the anterior cingulate cortex) gets activated. The consequence: Self-doubt, withdrawal, and mistrust. Particularly critical: Our brain stores these subtle exclusion experiences longer than objective facts – a toxic mix for team culture.

Micro Instead of Mega: What Subtle Abuse of Power Looks Like

It doesn’t start with a big outcry – but with a crooked smile, an ironic remark, or a never-ending monologue in meetings. And eventually, someone asks themselves: “Am I actually meant here? Or am I oversensitive?”

A few examples that I hear repeatedly in coaching and workshops:

• A young woman presents an idea. The boss responds: “Thank you, we’ll hear from the more experienced ones later.”

• A colleague from another department is overlooked in decisions, despite being an expert in the field – the comment on this: “You are more of a specialist than a strategic thinker.”

• An introverted employee is never praised after presentations – however, the extroverted colleague receives applause for the same performance.

The message is never loud – but it is clear: “You don’t fully belong.” Or: “You’re not worth much.”

This does not have to happen intentionally. But that is exactly what makes microaggressions so hard to grasp – and so dangerous.

Why Microaggressions Are Not a Soft-Skill Topic

Some say: “You should still be able to say that.” Or: “I don’t mean it badly.” But leadership today means more than ever: Impact over intention.

In phases of stress, uncertainty, or change, we all slip up. But as a leader, you have a different presence. And that means: You need a keen sense of language, body signals, and unspoken messages.

Research shows: Our brain stores exclusion experiences with high priority – because belonging is an archaic basic need. When this belonging is missing, engagement suffers – even if no one protests loudly.

I remember a case from an international company: A leader repeatedly spoke in the monthly meeting of “our people” – but meant only the headquarters team. Employees in the field or with different cultural backgrounds felt perpetually excluded – subtly, but effectively.

How Do I Deal with Microaggressors?

One of the most common questions in workshops: “And what do I do if someone in my environment says such things – or if I get caught myself?” Here is the answer: Don’t judge, but slow down.

• In leadership situations: Better to ask once more (“How did you mean that?”), rather than to judge immediately. Often there is no malicious intent – but a learning opportunity.

• As an observer: Politely, but firmly address the effect: “I believe that came across differently than you meant.”

• For yourself: If you catch yourself – take it as an invitation for development. Leadership also means: to observe yourself while learning.

Microaggressions cannot be “optimized away.” But they can be made visible – and transformed into micro-mindfulness.

Conclusion: It’s Not the Big Decisions That Shape Trust – It’s the Small Signals.

Microaggressions are not a trendy topic or a fringe problem. They are the subtle poison that erodes trust. And they often occur exactly where we should actually show conviction.

True leadership begins where I ask myself: How do I impact – even when I say nothing?
Those who have this courage create spaces where people can show themselves – without constantly having to protect themselves.

Author: Barbara Liebermeister